Aug 1st, 2012 by Jennifer Lynn
Is it weird that I’m laying in bed browsing financial forums on my iPod, with my daughter snuggled peacefully beside me, napping.
All of my friends tip-toe around the subject of personal finance. They find it a wee uncomfortable and pretty snooz-y, and yet I can spend hours devouring material and crunching numbers in my head. My favorite part about receiving a regular paycheck was the anticipation of squirreling some away — what percentage should I contribute to my savings this week? 15%? 35%?
I loved nurturing and observing my flimsy savings as it bulked up and blossomed.
Now, i feel a bit lost.
It has been an unfamiliar adjustment for me to abandon a consistent paycheck, in order to remain at home with Lexi. She has been my whole world for a year now.
But on days when I’m frustrated and doubting myself, or trying to slog through yet another afternoon, and can feel the ‘stay-at-home’ mommy blues creeping on, Lexi will wriggle over to hoist herself into my lap and peek up at me with, you know, that look in her eyes; a twinkle, a glittering spark, which makes my heart go all ache-y.
That pure, unfettered joy. Gazing straight at me.
And by ache-y, I mean, like, trillions of butterflies smashing/crackling, like smeared speckled cherries, all over on the windshield of my soul, trailing rainbow-colored guts.
Like that.
Man, I want to sell that down at the 7-Eleven and pound it like a slurpee, her pure, unfettered joy. And as her tiny body quivers, it oozes from her pores like sweet sugar sunshine’s banana pudding. And her fingers, like tiny chubby mushrooms, grapple at my hair, jam into a nostril, jab at an eyeball — it’s that sensation of being cloaked in absolute sweet unspitefulness.
Perfection.
And then everything feels surreal and I wouldn’t change a damn thing, not ever.
Because in those blissful and quiet moments of clarity, I’m precisely where I belong. Curled up in bed with my sweet butter bean.
=^..^=
OMG, I don't have children just yet, but the feeling you described is close to the one I have when I think about having kids (looks like pretty soon;-) On the one hand, I can't imagine spending much time away from my business, but on the other hand – I can't wait to have this beautiful experience that you're going through right now… thank you for such a wonderful insight, Jennifer!
Hi, Maria, I'll look forward to your own journey then, one day (soonish?
Thank you for commenting, and for listening to me prattle on.
Ha-ha, I'll be turning to your blog for advice, if you don't mind;-) I'm not pregnant yet, but we've been talking a lot about having a child soon;-) I don't feel ready yet, but miracles do happen, so may be one will happen to me;-)
It sounds like you're in the right place right now
That just sounds perfectly lovely. And I don't think it's weird to combine the browsing with the napping darling at all!
It's the compromise that works.
I also wanted to experience this in the future. I envy those moms who spends their life at home with their (naughty) kids. I like the feeling of sleeping with a baby!
Anyway, this is a lovely note!
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