Dec 7th, 2012 by Jennifer Lynn
She paints a world inside her room. A sea of violet covered stars. She finds a home inside this cold. She never sleeps enough to ever feel sane.
~Janus, “Lifeless”
Okay, I’m stressed out. It’s been an insane whirl of activity with holidays and family obligations and lack of sleep due to toddler teething and trying to minimize all of the useless clutter surrounding us and writing projects building up and dealing with all of this December-y stuff. Sooo in the midst of all of these convulsive duties, it feels as if the days are just being guzzled up too rapidly!
Chop-chop.
Here is how I expeditiously try to retain any shred of sanity, with some gentle reminders to myself:
(Note: I am a work in progress still.)
Reminder #1. – Always strive for excellence, but cast perfectionism tendencies aside, darling. I seriously need to stop being so anal because at this point it simply is masochistic assholery. When I am sluggish and pale with a pulsating throb penetrating through my left temple from sleep deprivation, it is perfectly okay to leave the dishes for an hour or five. The immaculate carpet scrubbing also can wait. But when the cat barfs all over the rug (again), it needs to be taken care of promptly. Drats, that bitty-kitty miscreant!
Reminder #2. – Create boundaries and stick to them. Nothing has been more empowering than creating my own standards and boundaries that are not dictated by anybody else. This really has been a work in progress as well as an incredible experience. The tender, blossoming me used to be a gi-normous people pleaser, which is absurd and kind of a dick move because it is also futile. So I am learning how to stop taking anybody’s baloney!
Reminder #3. – Stop trouncing myself with guilt. Repeat to self ad nauseam: do not feel guilty about not accomplishing the zillions of things hastily scribbled on my roseate Post-It Notes. Do not feel a tinge of guilt over needing to shift gears unexpectedly. I am not infallible and can only do so much at once and that is perfectly peachy-keen, jelly bean.
Reminder #4. – Prioritize wisely. If writing becomes a priority, there is no question that I will carve that time out and make the English language dance across the page somehow. Occasionally however my priorities flip-flop and family takes precedence. In fact family trumps work, always.
Case in point: I tuned into my favorite streaming radio station (hence the Janus lyrics quoted above) and my sweet butter bean has now disrupted me three times while writing this paragraph, begging to be scooped into my arms for a tango. I probably will have to write slightly past my mental deadline now due to this but that is okay.—Check time, yep. Wrapping this up an hour late.—She truly puts things into perspective, which leads me to the most salient of points:
Reminder #5. – Be flexible and learn to efficiently adapt. With children things can change rapidly at any given moment so I try not to have too much austerity in my day. Actually I enjoy following Lexi’s lead and just when I think I’ve hammered down one routine, she keeps me on my toes and shakes things up a bit. (Right now we happen to be in the teething phase, the absolute pits!) But I’m more than happy to slip into her groove.
Putting these reminders into practice helps me to retain a sense of humor and appreciate the absolute ridiculousness in even the seemingly mundane. All of this pandemonium provides excellent fodder for writing, nonetheless, and when all else fails: a nip of scotch is the perfect panacea.
Soo my darlings, how do you strive to balance it all? Any particular coping mechanisms to slash through all of the objectives etched into your daily agenda?
=^..^=
Since I started the 5000 word/week challenge, I've had a bunch of posts go out late as well. I can get 400-500 words posts banged out before work or my wife wakes up, but 800-1000 words requires me to work while others are awake and much more interesting than my computer screen.
I am working on finding a balance in all of this as well. I am overwhelmed and exhausted in general. =(
I am on the other side of the spectrum, allowing myself to procrastinate and now do things too much. I don't really have a tip to let it go but the world is not going to end because the dishes are dirty. It is ending in two weeks according to some, so you should take it easy!
My wife gets herself allworked up like this. And she tries to remind herself of these things too. It helps, I think, that I'm around to say, "Hon, you've been running around doing stuff for 3 hours…how about sit with me for 1/2 hour and breath?" Sometimes she agrees and sometimes this only speeds up her running around, "You mean I only have X hours left before bedtime?!" Busy busy woman. It's true though that nothing will be perfect, not everything will ever all get done, and if people are upset about either, screw 'em.
Alcohol! I kid, I kid! Seriously though, you must be inside my head. Keeping that balance is very difficult to find and one that I yearn for. It can get overwhelming, but I find it's how you react to it that matters. In the end, kids make life very unpredictable. Some times in a great way, others not so great. But, they make life so worth it and are worth so much more than pretty much anything else.
I can't even imagine how much work goes into raising a little one as I do not have kids, but I like the way you said that you just let Lexi take the lead.
I do know what it feels like to try to do things and feel exhausted at the same time. For me, it actually makes me see things in a negative light and bring out my grumpy side.
Hope the teething phase passes soon (it must be incredibly painful) and you can both sleep well again.
I think this is my favourite post of yours. It is so important to prioritise all aspects of your life. Most people do this without really thinking about it and then wonder why they have no time to get to the gym, or worse! You might wake up at 80 years of age and realise that you completely missed out on life and it's too late to turn back.
Keep up the good work Jenna! I'm sure Lexi is appreciative of your loving care and i'm sure M is thankful of the lack of kitty vomit on the floor
It's not easy to balance it all but I manage it better some days than others. People often ask how I blog, work full-time and do what I do and it's all planning. I do what I have to when I have to and waste no time where I shouldn't be. Get the job done, then I play if that makes sense. I also squeeze in keeping fit and going for a run as well. Sometimes it doesn't work out so I move on to the next day. Keep your head up.. you'll get there. Great post.. love your writing style. Mr.CBB
I can definitely relate to this post. I have a 2 year old and with everything that has been going on lately, I have been feeling tired and stressed out as well. Balance is hard sometimes.
Hang in there and stay strong. Our daughter is teething as well our sleep isn't as great either.
For me, being flexible is key, as you say. If I tell myself that I MUST DO LAUNDRY on a certain day, and I don't have time for it, then I'll feel bad. Instead, I tell myself that I should do X between Tuesday and Wednesday. That way, I can slot each to-do in when it is most convenient.
These are really great tips to live by. The only way I get balance in my life is by having my wife. We're on opposite ends of the spectrum. I'm super laid back and will let things slip for a day…er week without a second though. My wife on the other hand wants the dishes and floors washed yesterday.
We both drive eachother nuts, but in the end it works out.
[...] The Vagaries of Life by Broke-Ass Mommy [...]
@Edward – how is your challenge coming along? I admire your ambition. Is it getting easier to maintain that 5,000 words per week consistency?
@Holy – hopefully we will find that delicate balance with trying to ‘do-it-all’ (while walking around completely zombified.)
@Pauline – quite true, The End allegedly is quite near. Oh well. Another reason to curl up with some mocha toffee chip ice cream.
@TB – love this advice! Thank you!
@John S. – couldn’t agree more with this.
@Sicorra – thank you for stopping by. Slowly we’re inching our way through the teething process. Poor little mite.
@Glen – thank you kindly. You always have fabulous insight into stuff which really is appreciated.
@Mr. CBB, good philosophy: work before play. Usually if I dread a task, I know that it should move up my priority list or else it will fall through the cracks of procrastination—and then I will kick myself later for just not dealing with the silly thing right away.
@Makenzie – welcome! Terrible two’s, ohh boy. Although I have yet to experience this phase with Lexi, you probably are my hero.
@Marvin – hope your Wee One is coping. (ZzzZZz.)
@CF – flexibility really is key. I try to have a running list of tasks for the week and then conquer them as I am able to.
@Justin – Aww, that is incredible. I really appreciate relationships of polar opposites because it forces such a nice balance for both parties. Sometimes it is extremely challenging not to strangle the other (but soo worth the frictional battering reminder of a completely different perspective!)
Excellent tips, and really there is some wisdom there. I think I could probably speak to each one of them based on my own experiences.
Sometimes we just have to focus on progress over perfection, and realize that every day is precious – so we should enjoy rather than dwell on what could have been or what we didn’t get done!
[...] The Vagaries of Life on Broke-Ass Mommy [...]
Good reminders, all of them! How are you doing following them? Asking because I find myself to be a great theoretician when it comes to such things – my practice is somewhat different.
@Digital Personal Finance, my sentiments exactly!
@Maria, truthfully, sigh, as I’ve stated, I am a work in progress, and I will admit that there always is that teensy struggle not to mentally upbraid myself incessantly.
[...] Lynn @ Broke-Ass Mommy writes The Vagaries of Life – Soo my darlings, how do you strive to balance it all? Any particular coping mechanisms to [...]
[...] Lynn @ Broke-Ass Mommy writes The Vagaries of Life – Soo my darlings, how do you strive to balance it all? Any particular coping mechanisms to [...]
[...] Lynn @ Broke-Ass Mommy writes The Vagaries of Life – Soo my darlings, how do you strive to balance it all? Any particular coping mechanisms to [...]