Dec 12th, 2012 by Jennifer Lynn
Dearest Lexi, as your mommy, the things I am not.
- I am not your chew toy to gnaw on to test-drive pointy little incisors.
- Nor is my nipple.
- I am not The Keeper of your stuffed animals. There will be a new rule: if YOU chuck Mr. Blobby into the toilet, YOUR FATHER will fish out the toy.
- Speaking of whom, I am not here to be meddlesome and cast a disapproving eye on all of your rowdy skirmishes with Papa. Heckle him back.
- I am not inclined to lock into a dubious battle with you over meals by trying to jam stuff down your gullet.
- As your mommy, I am not a dumping ground for unsolicited advice from others. Therefore I am not going to allow quibblers, with their endless heaping of opinions/criticism, to undercut my natural parental instinct. Although I will consult our pediatrician or peers I respect, my intuition is still the best handbook on the market.
- I am not obligated to endure your spits of tantrum or to engage in wrestling matches with you over attire, and I have no qualms about shipping you off to the funny farm. (Psyche!)
- I am not your best friend and sometimes things I do or say are really going to piss you off.
- I am not going to be amused and sweet when you wiggle into bed at four in the morning and slap me in the face. (And then incidentally snuggle right back to sleep, you little punk.) You need to learn to respect my sleep and to be kinder to old people, especially this crotchety bat.
- Despite my best efforts I am not a perfect mommy. This is what you’re stuck with, I’m afraid.
Anyhoodle, I love you.
hugs, me.
=^..^=
hmmm…your little list has got me thinking of when my son is born, which should be any day now. Is this what I should expect?
This is all so true! I think the day I realized my Dad was not perfect and simply just a guy trying to do his best was the day I felt the closest to him ever.
Love it! You should print this off save it then give it to her when she turns 16.
So cute!!!!! One day i will understand
I love this post, Jen. Unfortunately, many of the things you said you are not, you will continue to be considered to be for a very long time (about 20 years to be precise). Sorry to break it to you, hun!
I gotta print this out and give this to my 13 year old. I’d add one though that I tell her. It’s not my job to blow smoke up your butt, when you are doing a half assed job, I will tell ya that!
I have so much to look forward to…
I’d love to see this list evolve with the years “I am not an ATM”, “I am not dumb, and knew the smell of pot before you were even born”… Hope you won’t have to say that last one!
This is great.. I always enjoy your posts. You should keep this for when she gets older, maybe stash it away in a book. It would be neat to look back on and reflect. Cheers Mr.CBB
Cute list
Although something tells me that as she gets older you’re going to wish these were the only problems you had to deal with!
Love #9. My daughter can beat me up in her sleep and never open an eye.
Lol! I can so relate to #5, it can be a regular battle for us. I read the list to my wife and she can empathize with #2.
Cute list !!! Some of these are too funny. I’m sure it’s annoying as a mother that everyone is trying to put their two cents in on how you should parent your own child. :S
Hahaha…so cute! I don’t have any children yet, but I laughed along while reading this.
I could have written most of this to my two girls!
“I am not The Keeper of your stuffed animals. There will be a new rule: if YOU chuck Mr. Blobby into the toilet, YOUR FATHER will fish out the toy.”
After reading the first sentence, I thought this line was going to be about personal responsibility. Nope, it’s about unloading it onto someone else!
[...] 3rd Place goes to Jenna at Broke-Ass Mommy with her delightful post to her daughter Lexi title Words of Caution: Things I Am Not [...]
Looks like someone has been behaving like a little turd
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Oh my gosh ditto to all of these. I need to find a lock for the toilet lid I swear.
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